Today marks one year since my last operation, a lumpectomy, to remove breast cancer. This is the second time I’ve made it to this milestone and, yes, my second go at breast cancer. It really is possible to get cancer in your breast after a mastectomy.
Last year I made it five days beyond the one year mark before more tests and the eventual confirmation that the cancer had returned. As I reflect, this second diagnosis is a bit of a blur really, slightly scary at the time, incredibly unbelievable given the treatment I’d had to reduce the risk. But it was much easier to navigate – probably because I knew what to expect – the appointments, the allocation of a nurse, the pre-op preparations and post-op recovery.
It all happened at a point when I was getting back to ‘normality’ ready to jump back on the hamster wheel of a full time corporate job. I was actively interviewing for new roles and thinking about what I wanted to do next. And BOOM! this new diagnosis. It forced me to stop, to slow down, to reflect. Life, midlife interrupted.
I wouldn’t have asked for this but I also think it hasn’t been all bad. Yes, its been another year of learning to be patient (again), managing worries and anxiety, navigating medicine side effects, trying to live in the moment. But overall, it’s been positive and I’ve been living a life filled with a bit more self care and kindness. I haven’t stopped being busy, I’ve just been busy doing things I enjoy. Here are some of the highlights…..
1
I have been helping my friends. One with their website and another launch her dance class (slightly selfish of me as I’m all about the benefits of dancing!)
2
I started Learning Club. A weekly get-together where a friend and I learn about different things – from social media to making cleaning spray, from french to aromatherapy oils (and also AI but that’s developing so quickly, its hard to keep up!), it’s been fun and I want to continue.
3
This blog. Easier said than done but fun all the same. It seemed like a great idea to start a blog, I have a story to share, experiences that can perhaps help others but its been way harder than I thought – it’s super easy to procrastinate over what to write and achieving the right tone. I’m sometimes nervous about how it’s all going to be received. I’m trying to be braver!
4
Self reflection. In March I went on a retreat called Evolveray. It was a seven day retreat which encouraged reflection and goal setting. It was confronting in a positive way and it reinforced what my body has been screaming at me to do – be kinder to myself – but the best bit was I left the retreat with a whole new group of friends.
5
Spending quality time with friends. I’ve had lots of trips this year. Cape Town, Lake Como, Copenhagen, Edinburgh, Salerno, York.
6
Spending quality time with family. Mostly because my wonderful sister is moving to the other side of the world and also a bit because of the cancer. I’ve seen my family a lot and its been lovely.
7
Self care and being kinder to myself. I’ve had therapy this year and its been a game changer – I’ve learned about amygdala responses, the parasympathetic nervous system, breathing techniques and I’ve even been hypnotised (its nothing like Paul McKenna and I wasn’t made to act like a clown). I’ve continued running though not as much as I would have liked, which is also like therapy. And I’ve spent time knitting – a bit of a mindful practice.
8
Doing new things. I’m mostly scared of new stuff, but this year I’ve been on safari in Africa (there was wine involved which helped!), enjoyed a float spa (1 hour, floating, no phone), joined a creative writing class, started blogging, climbed Ben Nevis, walked a marathon in the countryside (I’m a city girl!) and I’ve had my story featured in the press for Menopause Awareness Day.
9
Supporting Others. I’m contributing to an amazing organisation with the mission to help anyone who finds themselves in Menopause after Cancer – Menopause and Cancer.
10
Embracing uncertainty. Nothing in life is certain so I’m trying (and it’s a practice for sure) to live in the moment.
I’ve no idea what 2025 will bring, at some point I might get over my fear of goal setting/planning ahead, but whatever it does bring I will embrace it positively. We all only have one life and it’s to be enjoyed.