First, an apology to anyone affected by my calendar chaos – if I’ve had to cancel at short notice or change dates at any time, I’m sorry. I’m about to give an insight as to why…
This week is Dementia Action week – it runs from 19th -25th May.
What I’m talking about this week is quite appropriate – its definitely related, at least in part, to cognitive function and memory.
Calendar Chaos
It may not be an actual menopause symptom, but it’s definitely connected to one. Calendar chaos. For me, it is the ability to forget I’ve said yes to an event or a meeting and accept one or more additional invitations at the same time. It’s been something I’ve been ‘suffering’ from for a few years now – double and sometimes triple booking. In the past I could rely on my memory, almost visualise my diary weeks and months in advance, its a skill that seems to have evaporated. I now rely on my digital diary. But…every time anyone asks me to something important – even if my diary looks clear I have a sense of apprehension, a niggling feeling that I may have actually said yes to something already.
I’ve Got Form!
In the last few months it’s happened a lot – I’ve said yes to a 20mile walk in Scotland on the day after I’m a guest at a wedding in the south of England – clearly not happening. I’ve said yes to a trip with a group of friends whilst already accepting an invite to a 50th. And even this week, I arranged coffee with a friend only to realise a few hours before that the timing wouldn’t work and it clashed with a birthday get together. Its bad and I feel terrible, it makes me seem unreliable and that’s not a trait I personally like.
Is Calendar Chaos Actually a Menopause Symptom?
I tried to research to see if an actual study had been done in this – no, it hasn’t. But I bet if someone did they would conclude that calendar chaos is another of the many afflictions of perimenopause and menopause. I know I’m not alone – I saw an instagram post from Sarah Cawood, talking about how she had managed to say yes to a trip to Ibiza and seconds after booking flights she realised it was the same weekend as her mothers special birthday. There’s a bit of comfort in knowing I’m not alone.
So Why Does it Happen?
01
Brain Fog
During perimenopause and menopause, falling oestrogen levels can affect how well your brain works by slowing down memory, concentration, and mental sharpness. This is because oestrogen helps manage brain chemicals, keeps brain cells energised, and supports healthy brain structure. For me, with the medicine I’m taking to reduce my risk of breast cancer recurrence, I have no oestrogen in my body. Goes some way to explain why I’m forgetting or remembering too late when saying yes to an event, that I’ve already committed to something else.
02
Sleep Disruption
I rarely sleep through the night and am usually awake several times – it might be a hot flush, night sweat, or a bout of anxiety which means my sleep is interrupted – again another impact of hormones. This can lead to me feeling more fatigued and not as sharp the following day.
03
Increased Mental Load
I have a lot going on – as do many people in Midlife, juggling children, parents, work and health issues. I don’t have children or a partner to contend with, but I do have a very busy life and I juggle different things – my mind is usually full of ideas, plans, things to do. When your mental load is high, your brain becomes overloaded and struggles to process and store information properly — it’s like having too many browser tabs open. Add stress and poor sleep and it affects concentration, memory recall, and decision-making. Not helpful when it comes to trying to remember dates in your diary!
04
Lack of Downtime or Rest
I am not so good at taking things at a slower pace, it goes back to being a people pleaser and I like being busy so I always say yes to things. It’s in my nature to work things out and try to do everything – but I think this is actually at times contributing to my calendar chaos too. I don’t plan enough time to just relax and when I do, I get easily distracted by the pull of social media.
05
Managing Multiple Calendars
I mentioned earlier, I have a lot going on, mostly my own choice, I think the term you use for how I’m working is – fractional. But because of this I’m juggling calendars, digital apps, texts, emails, and verbal commitments. Its no wonder things easily slip through the cracks
So what’s the best advice to reduce the Calendar Chaos?
I’m trying some of these at the moment to varying degrees of success:
Weekly Calendar Review: I plan my week on a paper planner – it means I have a good overview at the start of the week and can see where things may have gone awry or maybe could. I also colour code activities – one colour for work, one for exercise, one for medical appts, one for fun things – I’m told these visual cues help our brains process faster.
Use digital reminders: I set calendar invites to remind me well in advance of events. If I commit to something via whatsapp, I move the message to unread until I’ve put it in my diary. Doesn’t always work, but I’m trying!
Schedule Breaks: I’ve started to block time for lunch each day – in the past I’ve been guilty of working non stop and inhaling my lunch in between meetings. I find it means I get up and move about and am more focused for the rest of the day.
Learning I don’t need to reply immediately: I like to be efficient and quick to respond to invites, but that’s what has led to my issue with calendar chaos – I’m learning to say, ‘let me check and come back to you’ so I can have space to think and properly check that I’ve not already committed to something.
As soon as something is a yes, I put it in my diaries. Plural – yes I invite myself across my various diaries so I do not miss a thing.
I am aware I need to build more rest time. To switch off, I spend time knitting, read or have a lovely long bath. And at the moment I’m engrossed in a live murder trial in the US so that’s helping me switch off from other life things.
And brain training: I dance each week – which is good for the brain and body. I’ve been listening to Jim Kwik who shares some fantastic tips for memory . Listening to one podcast, I learned to count to 10 in Japanese, which I did remember for a few weeks after….if only I could remember now.
