How I’m Learning to Fix My Midlife Overthinking

Earlier this year, I became more and more aware of how quickly something could throw me into a state of panic and overthinking.  A missed call from a loved one, ‘had something happened?’ A small comment from a work colleague that made me thing I had royally screwed something up and had me spiralling into panic.  Even navigating new situations and challenges left me stressing about every single detail.

It was zapping me of my energy and completely ruining any calm and happiness. I could not continue.

I had previously experienced this straight after I finished chemotherapy for breast cancer.  I quickly threw myself back into my work life. I distinctly remember being on one call, contributing to a discussion, which ended with a room full of people staring at me – in that moment I felt like I had said something alien and completely out of context.  I would often go into panic, there would be tears. Tears were not usually me, not as liberally anyway.  I needed help.  I realised that I was in danger of ruining a career I had worked hard to achieve.

I was able to get coaching through a fantastic organisation called Working With Cancer.  I needed to speak to a professional who understood what I was going through.  And it absolutely helped. I immediately was given some techniques to navigate the catastrophizing and overthinking that had become all too much of a habit.

And here I was almost 2 years later getting into the same spiral again.

Why do we overthink?

There are so many reasons we overthink and catastrophize – usually a mix of psychological and emotional reasons. I’ve learned it often stems from the brain’s instinct to protect us by imagining worst-case scenarios, especially in times of uncertainty. Fear of making the wrong decision, low self-trust, and past experiences of trauma or instability can fuel this pattern, as can perfectionism and high personal expectations.  So its kind of no wonder I was doing this after a period of trauma (cancer is a traumatic experience for many reasons).  By overthinking, it can make us feel like we are in control of a situation but more often it causes increased stress. And it certainly did for me. 

Why does it seem worse in middle age?

Whilst I’ve been aware more recently of how I can overthink, I actually can now see It was something that I had been doing for a while – particularly navigating perimenopause. I now know, overthinking often intensifies for women in midlife. As hormones fluctuate and decline during menopause and perimenopause, mood regulation becomes harder and anxiety increases. On top of that sleep can be disrupted. All of this can make overthinking, less rational thinking more likely.

What can you do about it in the moment?

When I realise that I’m spiralling into a state of overthinking, I’ve found a few things to be useful

• Moving my body – just being active 
• Breathing – in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8
• Distracting myself with doing something completely different – even down to doing something like emptying the dishwasher or putting a washing on.  I even might immerse myself in a knitting project, or try to learn something new. 
• I journal and ask myself some of  the following questions – which I find help put my thinking into perspective and induce a more calm feeling
  • What sort of thought you are having?
  • What proof do I have that my thoughts are correct?
  • What is it costing me to think this way?
  • What would I say to a friend in this situation?
  • Is there another way I can look at this?
  • What would be a more helpful thought?

What longer term changes can you make to  reduce tendencies to overthink?