In an ideal world, I would be telling you that getting older has made me fearless. That I’m operating in ‘f**k it’ mode more often. And that having beaten cancer twice, navigating menopause after cancer currently, as well as having had a few more midlife interruptions I now just go for it (whatever the ‘it’ might be): bold, brave, nothing to lose.
If only…
The reality: I often feel more held back. Time feels more precious now than it ever did and I don’t want to waste it doing things that go nowhere, that I might not enjoy or don’t lead to the desired outcome.
Knowledge also has a part to play. I sometimes wish I could regain some more of the ‘don’t know what you don’t know’ version of myself that existed in my 20s, where I wasn’t held back by own or others experiences or views. The experience and knowledge I’ve built up over the years, that should make trying something new easier, can sometimes make it harder. Because I know enough to see all the ways something might not work, I look ahead and can see pit falls. I can construct a very convincing argument for why more thought is needed or why I should wait until I’m more ready.
Those 2 things, time pressure and knowledge, often mean I can talk myself out of a new idea before its even left my head. And then my helpful or, more accurately. not-so-helpful inner critic pops up telling me ‘it will take too long’ or ‘it might not work’ or ‘its going to fail because…’ or ‘you might get hurt’.
So, as you can imagine, over the last few years I’ve had a lot of ideas, mostly business ideas, some creative ideas and also just ideas of fun things to do – and have then failed to act upon them or have stopped myself in my tracks.
Why Experiment?
But I also know there is something exciting and beneficial about learning something new or trying something new and seeing what happens. ‘Discomfort is growth’ has been one of my recent sayings when chatting to friends about their future opportunities. Its not lost on me that to learn something new or stepping out of our routines can be oh so beneficial to help prevent cognitive decline.
And that is part of the reason I designed a 50 at 50 list. A list of things that mean I try things I’ve been putting off (or slightly scared to try), a list where I do more of the things I enjoy. But it is also a list where I take on new small experiments or challenges and learn something. Things that tip me out of my comfort zone or push me to learn or develop new skills.
And by doing this in small baby steps, little tasks, one at a time makes everything feel a whole lot more possible.
Top Tips To Get Started
If you’ve been talking yourself out of things, waiting until you’re ready, or letting your (not always helpful) inner critic run the show, here’s what’s been helping me.
01
Start stupidly small
The pressure to make a big bold move or change is often what stops you making any move or at all. Start with something tiny. Sign up for one class. Send one email. Share one post. Try one thing on your list that’s been sitting there too long. Small is still a start.
02
Separate the experiment or output from the outcome
This has been a big one for me. Rather than thinking that everything needs to be a success whether that’s monetary or enjoyment, I’ve started to look at it differently and focus on the process, the outcome and see it as research – eg for example something like ‘I’m going to post every week on social media’ (output) rather than ‘I want to get 1000 followers’ (outcome) helps hugely. By doing this, I’ve learned its much more enjoyable and motivating.
03
Notice what you’re talking yourself out of
The things we talk ourselves out of are often the most worth paying attention to. If you’ve dismissed something three times before giving it a real thought, it might be worth asking why.
I go back to a journalling technique and ask 3 questions which I picked up from Tiny Experiments by Annne-Laure Le Cunff –
1. Head: is it appropriate? 2. Heart: Am I excited by it? 3. Hand: is it doable?
If I answer no to any of them, then I dig deeper and ask more questions.
04
Borrow confidence from what you’ve already survived
Midlife, for most of us, has not been without its challenges. And we’re still here. Resilient and able to cope with whatever is thrown at us. So whatever we’ve navigated, health, loss, change, that’s evidence that we’re more capable than our inner critic would have us believe.
Another simple confidence boost I use is celebrating my wins, no matter how small.
05
Give yourself a deadline, not a plan
Rather than waiting until everything is perfectly mapped out, pick a date by which you’ll have tried the thing. Not perfected it. Just tried it. (Note to self: set a date for that windsurfing lesson soon!)
So if you think that midlife isn’t a time to do something new or want to make a change and feel a bit scared or stuck, start experimenting, do it slowly, baby steps if you need to, and do it with curiosity. What do you have to lose?
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