You’d tell your best friend it was nothing. So why can’t you tell yourself the same?
Last week, when I was feeling super good, productive and at peace, enjoying a stress free, calm moment in my life, something I had worked on didn’t go as planned.
By my reaction you would think I had seriously f*cked up.
The mistake was teeny, fixable and the sort of mistake that I would tell a friend not to worry about.
Yet, I spiralled into catastrophising – my brain going to an extreme worst-case scenario.
I berated myself for not being more diligent, for not spotting a mistake. It then switched on anxiety and rumination for a few days where I replayed the mistake and was still worrying about the outcome. It was so uncomfortable and so disproportionate (now that I can view it thought a clearer calmer lense).
This is not the first time I’ve had this sort of reaction to a relatively innocuous situation in recent years.
I first noticed it when going through perimenopause but it’s got much, much worse since my cancer induced menopause.
So I decided to do investigate further…
Why Your Brain Turns Molehills Into Mountains in Perimenopause/Menopause
Our hormones. Again.
Oestrogen plays a key role in regulating serotonin and dopamine which both help keep mood stable and stress responses in proportion. When oestrogen drops, small stressors that you used to brush off can now feel like an emergency.
The stress hormone cortisol is also more difficult to regulate during this hormonal transition. Once your body goes into stress mode, even for something small, it takes longer to calm down.
You’re Not Imagining It. And You’re Not Alone
I’ve spoken to many people, friends and acquaintances, all going through perimenopause or menpause and I’ve heard them describe a similar response to a small setback. They feel like their ability to be resilient is lost, but they are also so hard on themselves and seem unable to give themselves the same kindness they would give to a friend.
01
Talk to Your Doctor About What Support Is Available
If your reactions to small situations or mistakes are significantly affecting your quality of life, your work, your relationships, your sleep, speak to your GP or a menopause specialist. Beyond the first line treatment of HRT (which is not always suitable for everyone, including me!), there can be other options. I am about to embark on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, in my quest to get this under control.
02
Brain Dump on Paper
Journal the whole situation or scenario on paper (and bin it afterwards)
- What happened and why you are thinking in the way you are
- What proof do I have that my thinking is correct?
- What is it costing me to think this way? Eg. Anxiety, crying, knocking my confidence.
- Is there another way I can look at this situation?
- What would be a better, more helpful, thought?
- What would you tell a friend if they were in this situation?
03
Name What’s Happening
When you catch yourself spiralling, pause and say (or write): “My brain is in stress response right now. This is hormonal. This is not proportionate to what happened.”
Naming it activates your prefrontal cortex and starts to interrupt the loop. It sounds almost too simple. It works.
04
Move Don’t Think.
When cortisol is flooding your system, movement can be the best thing. Ideally getting out for a brisk walk. Or even shaking out your arms and legs or stretching can help calm your nervous system
05
Back to Basics
None of this is groundbreaking, but it really does help to get back to basics with nutrition, hydration, movement and sleep. Reduce sugar and refined carbs, increase protein and fibre. Drink plenty of water. Daily movement is medicine. Regulate sleep patterns by going to bed and getting up at the same time daily,
The Thing I Want You to Remembe
The small mistake I made, in the cold light of day was nothing. A small thing, forgotten by everyone but me. But what it made me realise is that I need to dip back into a bit of self care and self kindness.
So, if you find yourself in a similar situation all I ask is that you take a moment, assess what’s happening and be kinder than kind to yourself.
Have you experienced this? I’d love to hear in the comments. You might be surprised how many of us are nodding along.
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