Can we really choose to be positive?
I believe we can.
That doesn’t mean it’s always easy.
There have been many moments in my life when I have felt less than positive. Being diagnosed with breast cancer twice, facing redundancy, or navigating the end of relationships all tested me. Even perimenopause impacted my outlook.
And yet, with time and reflection, I always choose to look for the positives. For me, that’s become something of a superpower.
I remind myself often: “You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond.” My natural default is to lean towards optimism.
That doesn’t mean I don’t let myself feel negative emotions. I still feel anger, sadness, and worry. But I’d rather search for the sunnier side of situations, because that shift has helped me get through. Over time, it’s built my resilience.
Why being positive might be harder in midlife.
Even for someone naturally optimistic, midlife can make positivity harder. When the hormonal changes of perimenopause arrived right alongside some big career changes I noticed my outlook being challenged.
I’ve since learned that oestrogen reduction affects serotonin and dopamine (our mood boosters). As they fluctuate and decline, mood can dip. Add the drop in progesterone, and anxiety can creep in too. During this time, I really had to work harder on my mindset.
This realisation and awareness absolutely helped me navigate the much bigger challenge of navigating breast cancer and the impacts of that, including a treatment induced menopause.
The Science of Positivity
Science backs up what I’ve felt in my own life: positivity is powerful.
- Broaden-and-Build Theory (Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist): Positive emotions expand our perspective and help us build resilience and resources over time.
- Stress Reduction: People with a positive outlook often have lower stress hormones and better heart health.
- Neuroplasticity: The brain can literally rewire itself to notice more positives when we practice gratitude, mindfulness, or reframing.
Practical Ways to Choose Positivity Daily
Here are some small, easy-to-do practices that help me make positivity a daily choice:
01
Practice Gratitude – Start the day on a positive: write down three things you’re grateful for and also three things you’re looking forward to in the day ahead.
02
Reframe Language – Notice how you speak to yourself. Swap “I have to” with “I get to.” That small shift changes obligation into opportunity.
03
Micro-Joys & Small Wins – Try to notice little good things: a hot cup of tea, a laugh, sunshine, flowers – just anything that boosts joy a little. At the end of each day, I journal and reflect on at least 3 things that went well that day.
04
Limit Energy Drains – Whether it’s cutting back on doomscrolling or saying no to unnecessary obligations, protecting energy is a positive choice.
05
Give More Compliments & Be Kind – When you notice something good about someone, say it out loud. Practice kindness. Uplifting others helps you spot more positives in the world around you — and often, it comes back to you too.
Donna Ashworth perfectly sums it up:
“Positive people aren’t ignoring the darkness of this world they have dragged themselves painfully into the light and are choosing to share it with you”
Choosing positivity daily doesn’t prevent life’s challenges. But it does help with how we cope with them. In the moment, it can lift you. Over time, it builds resilience, confidence, and strength for whatever comes next.
Positivity is always within our control, it’s a choice.
