How to Rebuild Your Confidence When Self-Doubt Creeps In

Over the last few weeks and months, I’ve felt self doubt creeping in. Actually, more accurately, it’s been stomping in.

It’s left me questioning my ability to do all sorts of things. Really impacting my confidence.

The doubts have shown up everywhere. Is my blog actually useful to anyone? Am I still any good at my job? Do I understand pensions and finance well enough as I get older? Have I made the right life choices? And then there’s the health stuff, which quite honestly never really goes away.

I found myself wondering where this had all come from.

I’ve realised a few things.

Apart from the obvious hormone impact of being in medical menopause, which really can affect mood (the drop in serotonin and dopamine means a negative lens becomes a whole lot sharper), there was something else going on too.

In my ambition to develop myself and keep learning, I’d ended up consuming a lot of information and content. Some of it deliberate, things I’d sought out to read and watch. But a lot more was being fed to me, off the back of everything else I’d read and watched.

The main themes in this uninvited content, and it’s not restricted to one platform, are hard to miss. “I gained 20,000 subscribers in 90 days.” “How I earned £10k last month.” A talking head, a confident and engaging voice, and a ‘comment below and I’ll send you the magic formula’, usually hidden behind a paywall.

I know these headlines are designed to hook. I know they’re built to tap into insecurities. What I hadn’t realised was how much they were actually affecting me.

They’re planned to reel you in. Enticing someone who isn’t feeling all that confident or positive, and they work by encouraging that person to part with their hard earned cash, only to discover the promises were harder to achieve than they sounded. Or, if you don’t buy in, they can just quietly add to the self doubt that’s already there.

So there I was, feeling more and more miserable about my own efforts. Confidence declining.

Then I came across this quote by Louise Hay:

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

It made me realise, or maybe just reminded me, that I need to be my own cheerleader. To stop criticising my efforts and, once again, start celebrating them instead.

I also realised that to build my confidence back up, I needed to get back to doing more of the things that make me feel good. A bit like practicing gratitude, or choosing to see the positive side of things.

So I switched off my phone and picked up my knitting needles.

I made it outside to run, walk, swim.

I met friends more often.

I reflected on the small moments of enjoyment and celebrated them daily.

And since doing this, I’ve felt a whole lot better.

I’m aware there’s a bit of irony in sharing this on the same platforms that fed my self doubt in the first place. But that’s rather the point. I’d rather use this space honestly, sharing what’s actually going on, because I suspect I’m not the only one feeling this way. If being open about the not-so-good bits helps even one other person feel less alone and hopefully more confident, then it’s worth posting.

So if you ever get to a point where you’re feeling crappy about yourself, try not to get sucked into the empty promises online. Stop scrolling. Get off your phone. Do the things you love. Spend time with the people you love.

You’ll feel the difference.