Over the last few years, ever since my cancer diagnosis threw life up in the air and interrupted everything, I’ve had periods of feeling stuck. Of not knowing what I want. Scared to even dream or set goals anymore or make long term plans.
Such an uncomfortable feeling for someone like me who likes, being productive, making tangible progress and feeling in control.
I used to be very clear about what I wanted to achieve, be able to set a few monthly SMART goals and make them happen. Discovering breast cancer interrupted all of that. For a while.
Is this a midlife thing?
I sometimes wonder, if I hadn’t had this interruption, if I would have faced this feeling at some point. Because I think midlife can lead to us to reflect and question where we are, what we’ve achieved and also what we might still want to do. Plus there’s the awareness of life moving quickly. (And although I hate to say this, we’re getting older)
For me, firmly in midlife, changes can also feel a bit riskier. I really crave safety and certainty and so that has resulted in me feeling stuck. A lot.
Menopause does not help. The turbulence of hormones or the impact of no oestrogen at all (in my case) interferes with so many aspects of our wellbeing from energy, to sleep, to mood. Its really hard to dream big or even decide what you want. That, along with brain fog and a real lack of motivation which many of us experience in menopause, means that a list of goals can feel a bit much. And do not start me on my constant companion, my inner critic, who seems way louder now than ever, constantly brining fear and failure before I’ve finished formulating an idea.
It’s a hard state to navigate and move through.
(A note: if low mood, lack or motivation, poor sleep or any other menopause symptom is persistent, it’s worth chatting to your GP or healthcare team)
Action is the way forward
So that is the why, or at least my best and personal understanding of it. Knowing the reasons has not magically unstuck me. I wish it were that easy. The one thing I have learned is that you rarely think your way out of stuck. Thinking can just sometimes make me feel worse. Action is the only prescription. Waiting to feel motivated, or clear, or ready, just keeps you stuck – or at least it has me. So now, when I notice myself stuck, and it has happened again recently, I do something about it. Here are the things that I’ve found most useful.
01
Plan small
Small daily to-do lists are amazingly helpful to get me out of being stuck. I narrow down to things that I need to do each day and also map out my week like a timetable which makes me feel clearer, calmer and more in control
02
Swap goals for experiments.
I’ve been reading this book called Tiny Experiments and honestly it debunks the linear nature of goals and encourages readers to try experimenting instead. Experiments don’t come with pressure, they lead to learning rather than failure. And just approaching new things in that way takes a lot of fear away.
03
Get moving.
Let’s face it, rarely a blog post goes by where I don’t share the benefits of moving!
One of the best and most helpful things I’ve found is to move. Even just a walk outside or a quick dance around the kitchen (although my movement of choice is running) can just shift any stuck feeling or slight agitation I have. And I’ve found when I’m running I can generate new ideas or solve problems.
04
Celebrate achievements, even small ones.
I started this activity a few years ago, when I was not feeling too positive. At the end of each day, I write down at least 3 things that I’ve achieved, it helps me feel more motivated and accomplished which then helps with momentum.
05
Get your thoughts out.
Speak to a friend or if you don’t want to – put it all down on paper.
I love to journal and this is one exercise which really can help when I feel super stuck in thinking mode. Free writing and jotting down all the worries, thoughts, half baked ideas can bring clarity and shift my energy.
I would love to say I feel unstuck – most of the time yes, but I still have days or weeks where that horrid stuck feeling arises. But I now know what I need to do to get through it. I now accept it’s part of a midlife interrupted.
If you are feeling stuck right now, be kind to yourself, take baby steps and know this too shall pass.
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