I saw a friend briefly a few days ago and said ‘can’t believe I’m gonna be 50’ and their response was ‘good riddance to your 40s, it’s not been your best decade’.

I paused for a moment. And said ‘Oh, I was thinking I’ve actually had quite a good time’. And then I paused again and thought about some of the things that have happened to me.

I had my midlife interrupted. More than once. I navigated some career changes at the start of my 40s – it was a bit anxiety inducing, stressful even. I learned about what to look for in a job, a leader and an organisational culture – it wasn’t an easy time, and I was full of self doubt. We had covid – I was locked up (like everyone) and alone. I learned how to cope on my own for long periods of time, it was a test for what was to come. I entered into perimenopause with hormones completely haywire. It made the self doubt and anxiety worse. And then there was the breast cancer. Twice. The kind of unexpected situation which really makes you stop and think about how you are living your life. Oh and then there was (and still is) the actual medical menopause. 

So I guess from someone else’s perspective – I could feel and should feel utterly rubbish and depressed about what’s happened – it’s been a lot. But for every down there has been a bigger up. Clouds and silver linings in my opinion.  I think a huge number of positives have come out of it.

Here’s what the last decade has taught me. 

01

Choose Your Mindset

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them” – one of my favourite quotes from the wise Maya Angelou.

And that has really served me well throughout the last decade. I’m not saying I’ve not had times where I’ve felt emotional, scared, a bit low and negative, but that quote has reminded me that we have a choice about how we approach whatever situation we face. And whatever has been thrown at me, whether it be a work or life situation, I’ve always, eventually, chosen positivity and to be grateful.

02

Family and Friends First

I’m very independent and like to think I’m very capable of managing alone, but when I went through breast cancer treatment it made me realise just how important my family and friends are.  I’m ashamed to admit that until then they had sometimes come behind my career and work commitments. But not anymore, I’m grateful my midlife interruptions mean I’m now able to spend more time with them. 

And not only that, my friend groups have grown and I’ve also learned just how important community is especially navigating menopause after cancer. 

03

Progress Isn’t Always Linear 

I’m one to set goals and achieve them and over the last 10 years, I’ve been fairly successful. Especially where the physical challenges of marathons, mountain climbs and hikes are concerned.

But one of the things I’ve learned is that progress is not always linear. 

I’ve set goals for my life and career and stayed focused on where I want to get to. And when I started my 40s I was fully focused on climbing the career ladder. But it hasn’t all gone to the plan I had in my mind. Mostly down to the cancer curveball and then the realisation that I needed to make a change.

I’ve had to learn to be more patient, and accept that sometimes things just don’t work out the way we expect and that we just have to take things as they come. 

And I’ve learned that the end result is nearly always way better anyway. 

04

Be Kind to Yourself

This really is still a work in progress. Its so easy to talk negatively to myself. Or to push myself to the limit because I’ve set myself some ridiculous goal.

But I’ve learned the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves, and that being kind to myself is a must. And I’ve learned to do that in so many ways. 

  1. Resting when I need to
  2. Changing plans
  3. Moving my own self-imposed goal posts
  4. Prioritising the things I enjoy – like running and knitting
  5. Using positive affirmations 
  6. Treating myself and that can be a new lipstick, a new knitting project, a massage, new skincare
  7. Speaking to myself like I would if I was speaking to a friend.

I haven’t quite learned how to say no everytime I want to. Like I said, work in progress.  

05

Health is Wealth

Without our health we have nothing. There’s something sobering and confronting about a cancer diagnosis (or 2) which can make you realise how fragile life is. And so one of the things I’ve come to value is my health and although I’m not perfect, I try to do as much as possible to lead a healthy lifestyle – exercising, trying to manage stress and eating a nutritious diet.

So no, my 40’s were not perfect. But I’ve positively embraced the adventure, challenge, life – whatever you want to call it. And I’m stronger and wiser for it.

And as I head into my 50s along with these 5 things, I’m adopting a fun first and “f*** it” approach – and I cannot wait. 

The Book of Do. A manual for living